There are no more excuses
by BadWolfReborn
Summary: Both of the people she loves are dead, just in completely different ways. Can she even choose between them? Twisted Clyrnin, Dedicted to Maria. One-shot.


**There are no more excuses.**

_How about a song-fic with O-towns "nothing at all"? (i think thats what it is called. if you do a internet search on , it should pop up) song sounds like myrnin and claire, to me, and I figure since claire/myrnin is your specialty..._

_For Maria (guest) _

*Everybody, STOP _(Hammer Time)_ in this, so that the lyrics fit into the story, pretend Shane died over a year ago. Now, even a massive Clyrnin fan like me realises that it would take Claire a while to move on, especially if she blamed herself, so pretend that Shane died saving her ass from a Random Vamp attack. Also, if you want to listen to the song, it's called "All or Nothing", or something similar to that.

-x-

_I know when he's been on your mind,  
That distant look is in your eyes  
I thought with time you'd realize it's over, over_

You fiddle with the beakers lining the table, trying to figure out how to solve the problem which has eluded us- and therefore Amelie- for the past month, and we both know that you're time is running out, and if we dont find a solution soon, The Founder _(not Amelie)_ will Vamp you, cut off your head and shove it in machine.

What you don't realise, though, is that your movements have taken on a slow, steady pace and your eyes have taken on that distant gleam. Your thinking about _him _again, and I know that It's natrual, and that your still grieving, that you still blame yourself, but it hurts. It hurts that I'm right next to you and you still remember him. That everytime you kiss me, there's a tiny part of you screaming out that you shouldn't be. And everytime we get close to- you know- you pull away and sleep at the Glass House because you feel guilty, for not saving Shane and for leading me on.

"Come on," I whisper, pulling the jar out of your shaking hands, "sit down for five minutes. I'll finish this bit."

_It's not the way I choose to live  
And somethin' somewhere's gotta give  
A share in this relationship gets older, older _

"Claire, where are you?" I shout down the phone, fear making me angry.

"I'm at the park."

"What?"

"I just- I just needed some time alone..."

"Claire," I begin, relief causing me to fall down on my knees, and my voice has taken on a husky tone. "Don't do that again. I was worried. I leave for five minutes and when I come back you're gone- no note, no goodbyes. I thought Niaomi had taken you."

"I'm sorry. I'll be back in a few minutes..."

"No, stay there. I'll come get you."

_You know I'd fight for you but  
How could I fight someone who isn't even there_

You're sleeping next to me, my shirt barely covering your thighs, and I'm watching you breathe, scared that you'll get up and leave again. In fact, the only time I'm sure your not about to run away into the sunset is when you'r working, because Science is theraputic for the both of us. Recently I'v had next-to-no mood swings, and whether thats because of you or because of some other unknown factor, I'v become a hell of a lot more stable.

Earlier on we were kissing, and it was pretty passionate, and I thought that finally you could give me everything. Your tounge worked its way into my mouth and I responded, pleased that you were making your move. However, as soon as you took my shirt of and threw it on the floor... you retreated, and removed yourself from the position you were in (straddling me, shirt half open) and closed your eyes to the world. I knew that tonight wasn't the night and I didn't know how much longer I could wait, because I love you more than everything, but I dont know if you feel the same. If you did, surely you'd have moved on by now?

Suddenly, you begin screaming and kicking and I know that the nightmares are back, even though you've never had them at my house.

Normally, whenever we get _so close _you run back to your old room that Eve and Michael have kept open for you, even though you're here 95% of the time. Eve rung me once on Claire's phone, and told me that whenever she slept there, she had terrible nightmares. It ripped me apart knowing I caused this- Claire would be screaming _his _name, and its obvious to me that what we almost did made her feel guilty enough to relieve _his _death. Vividlly.

I began to say your name softly, trying to pull you away from the darkness, because I know that you cant do it yourself. I'm just trying to help you get through the night, because none of this is your fault, or mine, we're just holding on for dear life, avoiding the monsters neither of us can see.

_I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you, I don't care if that's not fair_

You're in my arms, bouncing up and down in glee.

"Seriously, Myrnin, I'v worked it out! We disconnect the secondary input and transfer it closer to the primary reactor, and the two forces should combine to produce a more intense reaction, thus causing a stronger force to work alongside the chemicals."

"Really?" I ask, and my eyes must show some of what I'm thinking- that this is the Claire I love, who knows how powerful knowledge can be, who enjoys finding out how things work and how to improve them, and who lives for the gain of intellect.

I just wish I could fully have the other Claire. The one who loves me back.

_Then there's times you look at me as though I'm all that you could see  
Those times I don't belive it's right-  
I know it, know it_

Claire's legs wrap around my waist as I lift her against the wall, her toungue and mine fighting it out in some long-awaited battle of wills. Her nails dig into my shoulders as I pull her away from the wall and into the bedroom, still connected by our lips, by our hands.

"I love you, Claire." I murmur into her mouth, enjoying the vibrations it causes for the both of us.

"I love you too." She gasps as I rip off her shirt, because after being patient for so long I truly can't wait any longer.

And so, seven months, 3 weeks and four days after I told her how I felt, 5 months after she told me she loved me back, we finally join together in the final way.

Its everything.

_Don't make me promises baby  
You never did know how to keep them _

"Myrnin?" Claire croaks, tears running down her cheeks as I arrive to find her at the park (_again_), but something else is of more importance.

I smell blood.

"Claire, what happened?" I bark, and reluctantly she spins her wrists slightly so that I can see the clear scratch marks, imprinted so deep there's blood leaking out of them. I rush over, but Claire flinches back, so my eyes must have flashed to red, because I sure as hell know that my fangs didn't unfold. I hold my breath to control my... urges... better, because I need to know what happened. "What did you do?"

Claire only shrugs, and I lose it for the first time in over two months, and I pull her closer to me.

"Do you enjoy doing this to me," I whisper, but her eyes fill with fear, having gotten used to my _normality _which only makes me madder. "Because its begining to look like it."

"No, I-"

I press my lips against her aggresivly, needing the taste of her lips one more time, before I pick her up in my arms and summon a portal to the lab, and dump her the floor. Her groan of pain should have woke me up, but it didn't. I doubt anything would. As she lies there, hands over her eyes _(not realising the danger she's in) _I sniff the air, flooded the her scent. I straddle her and her hands move from her face, remembering that _I am a Vampire _and I am incapable of self-control once I am angry.

My fangs pierce her skin, and her voice telling me that she loves me, that I need to stop is lost among her screams.

_I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you, it's time to show and tell._

"Myrnin..." she sobs, tears not yet falling down her face, one hand resting against my cheek, but I push away and stalk into another room in the town hall because I cant relax into her _because I caused this_. The guilt eats away inside me and it feels as though I'v been transported back to when I was diseased, or back to when I killed Ada, but worse, because never have I ever felt like this.

I slam the door behind me.

Never had I killed someone I loved so callously. Ada I killed in the midst of my illness, and Claire's reassurance once she arrived had helped my see that It wasn't my fault. The countless humans I had mercilessly slaughtered didn't really count, they were mere food, and anyway, Oliver may mock me for it, I never really enjoyed the hunt anyway **(Oliver mentions this in Carpe Corpus, or one of the Bishop-books, anyway...)**

But this wasn't any human, and I wasn't ill, so there was no excuse for what I'd done. I'd gotten angry, and I'd bitten Claire. Her screams and her pleads and her tears had only spurred me on, and I hadn't stopped in time.

I'd killed my love.

Only Amelie visiting to see the new machine which we had completed a few minutes before Claire ran away again had taken me out of the haze of thirst. She had looked like the queen she was, in her pale suits that she wore even whilst humans thirsted for her blood, more than they ever had before, because of the new laws that had been implanted in the last year and a half. She forced me away from the dying body on the ground and threw me across the room, the agony of hitting my head of one of Claire's silver stakes that lied about almost making me black out, before I realised what I'd done.

Amelie called Oliver for help, and what felt like Millenium later, he turned up. Neither of them either needed an explanation... they guessed what happened, and I dont know if I felt better or worse for that.

Amelie was the one to turn Claire. It had been her intention ever since Claire saved her from the stake at Bishop's welcoming ball, and even though there was a new layer of trust between the two, no way was Amelie giving Claire to Oliver.

Minutes- or it years?- later, Claire had awoke with a scream, her fangs piercing her toughened gums and her eyes the colour of the blood I had taken from her, Oliver throwing her several blood bags as he dragged a weakened Amelie into one of my chairs.

My heart constricted at the sight of Claire looking so beautiful, so deadly, because I knew that inside the only thing she'd be feeling is thirst, anger and guilt. The thirst would be overpowering her goodness, she'd undoubtably be angry (_understatement of the year,_ I thought) at me for killing her, and an unreasonable guilt because I knew Claire, she'd feel like this was her fault, when it wasn't.

It really, really wasn't.

A knock on the door interupts my thoughts, and both the scent of fear and innocence (as well as the lack of a heartbeat) alerts me to who it is.

"Myrnin, can I come in?" Claire whispers, voice cracking slightly, and I can smell the tears before I see her face as she walks in without an answer. "Myrnin- I-"

"What do you want?" I roar, sounding angry at her when inside I'm furious, mortified, dissapointed at myself. Its just easier for her to run away now, before I think that theres a possibilty of her forgiving me.

However, my actions have the opposite effect- her eyes turn red again, and her fangs flash at me. That should get my back up, but this is Claire, and no matter what her state of being is, I doubt I'll ever truly be scared of her, or see her as a threat, even though I should.

"Excuse me, but who do you think your shouting at?" she asks me, her voice stronger than before, sounding suspicially like Amelie's.

"I wonder?" I ask sarcastically, as if I actually mean it, and turn away from her.

Big Mistake.

She runs towards me, and before I can turn around, she pins me to the floor, and growls in my ear.

"You killed me, Myrnin. Just like you did Ada. But I'm not going to go the same way as her. I'm not going to wait for you to go mad and kill me for a second time, and wait for you to stick my head in a machine just for you to be able to keep me."

I growl back at her, not mad at the mention of Ada- after all, I deserve it- but at the fact that she assumes I'll do the same to her. I wouldn't, I couldn't. I hope.

She flips me round so that I'm still underneath her, but she's straddling me, rather like I trapped her before... I wonder if she remembers that. She grabs me by my hair slightly _(I do have very wonderful hair, after all)_ and lifts my head slightly so she can whisper in my ear menacingly. At this point, I'm wondering if she's planning on revenge after all.

"You **will **listen to me. You are going to accept the fact that you have done this, you will accept the fact that I am going to find this difficult. You are going to accept the fact that I am still grieving Shane, especially as he died to save me. You are going to accept the fact that I never, ever want to kill a human..." I nod, once, realising that she doesn't mention anything about not killing Vampires, or me.  
"And you will accept the fact that I love you and I want this to work."

I actually gasp, and before I fully comprehend it, she is kissing me slowly, pushing me back down against the floor. Wondering whether or not I need to test if she has the Bishop disease, or is this amazing mood change is from another factor. I begin to lose myself in her, responding to the touch that is now the same temperature as me, and moaning slightly as her teeth pull on my lower lip...

We both hear the footsteps at the same time, and Claire jumps up and opens the door to a very surprised Amelie and Oliver.

Their surprise proberly isn't helped by the sight of me, panting slightly on the floor with my borrowed blood rushing to my cheeks, even though Claire looks- to say the least- calm and almost bored.

"Ah, Claire. We were looking for you. Would you please not rush off again without informing someone of your destination?" Amelie asks cooly, although you could almost (if you looked very hard) see the relief that Claire was safe, and hadn't gone to eat a human outside. "Follow me, please."

Amelie and Claire depart straight away, and I stand to follow her, but Oliver throws a smirk in my direction, obviously remarking silently on my ruffled state. I glare at him.

"What are you looking at?" He asks, sniggering.

I rack my brains, trying to think of a comeback, and then one that Claire once used on me, many months ago, comes to mind.

"I dunno, It doesn't have a label on it!" I yell, childishly, then run after the girls, leaving Oliver stunned.

As Claire turns to smile at me, I wrap her fingers in mine, wondering if we do, indeed, have a future.

_At this moment I really dont care,_ I think, blissfully.

**So sorry if this one descends into word-chaos at times, it just seemed to jump out of my fingers, what can I say (unlike the others -.-) Same for any spelling mistakes, as I didn't check through it- like always...**

**Review please!**

**Chloe xxx**


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